Advice

As a rule of thumb, i typically don't ask for the advice of others.  I live my life with the sole intentions of being the only person i can blame for my actions.  Therefore, unsolicited advice is very often unwelcome.  Tonight, one of my girlfriends friends added me on facebook.  He is a piercer and has done a couple of my piercings. We all joke about how good looking he is (although he is relatively unattractive) because the first time i met him i was getting a tattoo and couldn't stop focusing on the spot he was sitting. He texted me out of the blue for the first time, even though i didn't think he had my number, i asked about getting another piercing and i didn't want someone i hadn't stared down to do it.  He made some comment about how i enjoy staring at him and i replied with this awful phrase 'of course, i only let good looking people put holes in me'.  He flipped shit and told me not to hit on him because my girlfriend wouldn't like it.  I made a joke.  I wasn't hitting on him.  I am very much in love with my girlfriend and she was reading my texts! I don't hide anything from her.  The balls of some fucker to assume i was and then scold me for allegedly hitting on me. 

Clearly when he met me, my emaciated, drugged out image didn't convince him i don't take advice very well.  The nerve of some fuckers.

Just keep spinning

It's that time of year again, my birthday is close by and as a special treat to me and a big fuck you to everyone in my life, i bought myself an elliptical.  I have retreated further into myself than i could ever imagine i'd be.  I no longer leave my room unless i have to for work or school.  I no longer eat solid foods which, as a vegetarian severely limits my diet.  I have eliminated caffiene, carbohydrates, and inorganic foods.  My days are so predictable you can almost follow them like clockwork, get up before the sun, cigarette(s), do a line, use my elliptical, cigarettes(s), shower, cigarette(s), school, cigarette(s), black decaf coffee break, home, elliptical, cigarette(s), do a line, yoga, cigarette(s), feed my puppy, take him for a walk, cigarette(s), black decaf coffee break, play with my puppy, shower, cigarette(s), 15 minute nap, do a line, cigarette(s), work, cigarette(s), girlfriend time, home, elliptical, cigarette(s), shower and finally by 2 a.m. i can lay down and try to sleep.  Try is the key word.  My schedule looks so boring typed up like this, so....not who i was.  The girl i used to be.  Even the party girl i once was looks at this schedule and says, 'chick, i think you need help.'  I've dwindled below a hundred pounds. Not much but, I have.  I don't know how much i'll continue to post.  My health is horrendous right now and i am fighting with everything i have left not to be hospitalized.  I'm facing eviction and being fired because of my diseases and all I can think when I look in the mirror is i shouldn't have had that coffee today.

Ryan, remember when you told me i just wanted attention?  That there was nothing wrong with me?  I still believe you but everyone else i meet and know either wants my body, my disorders (they clearly don't have good eyesight), or avert their eyes because theres nothing they can do to help me.  Mind explaining to them i don't have a problem next time you stop by to make sure i'm still alive since i no longer answer your calls or texts.