Losing Grip

My body is always sore, like I just ran 50 miles through sand.  All I want anymore is happiness and self acceptance.  I'm tired of staying up till 2:30 every night doing sit ups and jumping jacks to burn more calories until I can fall asleep then waking up at 5 to get ready for school.  I constantly justify my lack of sleep by saying it's a punishment for being so fat.  It's a punishment for putting on yet another 2 pounds, securing my place in the 20's for a bit.  Soon enough my anxiety should lessen ( for about 3 days) then i'll be an adult.  I'll officially be responsible for myself but, thats in due time.


I'll finally be able to stop fucking eating entirely.  No more family meals for me :]  There's always hope for tomorrow that I may die and no longer have to suffer.  No longer have to try to be someone.  Anyways, this was a sort of last minute ramble to keep me inside my head and not lose focus for the rest of the evening.  It's nice to see I have followers and people interested in my thoughts.  I promise the next post will be better.  
If you're still reading and haven't already heard this ENTIRE song check it out- Secret by The Pierces.  It's pretty sick and weird but for some reason I'm in love.  Oh yea, also check out one of my top 10 of all time songs called Slow Motion by Third Eye Blind.  Leave comments so I can interact and get to know you guys and what type of music you like. 


Enjoy:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.


~MaryAnne Williamson