Resolutions

Most people make resolutions with the coming of the new year.  To be faster, stronger, smarter, thinner, even cleaner.  I too have made a New Year's Resolution, one I hadn't seen coming until a recent anxiety attack shook me so hard i sat in my closet clutching my stomach for hours.  I've been given a tube.  One i'm not even trusted enough to control what goes in it.  So, this year i've resolved to find a reason to want to live.  I just need one.  I search and search to find meaning, a reason to continue along this path and find none.  I've decided to make one last attempt at life.  I can't keep existing in this sick parallel where all i do is fantasize about ripping my tube out and bleeding to death on the floor.  Hopefully, i can get out of this grave i've dug for myself.  Escape this prison i've built.  I just want a reason to live and with that, hopefully i can begin to fi the shattered and broken remains of myself.